To the Guy who Left Without a Goodbye

 

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I just want to start off  by saying you missed the best part. You missed what I turned into and what I am becoming. To this day I still don’t know why you left but the fact that I am blocked on all forms of social media lets me know that this must have meant something to you too. We were already amazing and I’m pretty sure I was in love and so were you.

It has taken me years to heal that wound and to this day it’s just a scab instead of the faded scar it should be. That’s because it’s constantly reopened every time I get close to someone else, maybe because I’m using what we had as a gauge for potential. Is this conversation easy? Does he feel  like home like you did? But I have to remember that you didn’t stick around so maybe what we had isn’t the best example for comparison.

I’ll never forget the conversation we had in your dorm room where we always hung out 24/7 when we both found out we both knew our best friends since the very first day of kindergarten. I remember you saying that if we knew each other then there would be any one else. You named old lovers and ex-girlfriends that in this alternate universe were just girls from school and that I would be your one and only and you mine. I replied by saying I agreed but you met me at a really weird place in my life was the truth. I had just ended a relationship with a man I thought I would marry and was wasting my time with another.

Even though you were doing the exact same, I saw your eyes change, the devastation had sunk in and I believe that was perhaps the moment you retreated. From that day forward, you were never the same and I watched as months went by and you treated me like a stranger. I wrote notes like a lovelorn teenager begging for an answer and I never did. After 6 years, I can say with certainty I never will so this is my farewell to you. I’m going to say goodbye; something you never did but I know you’ll never see this so in some way that makes us even.

So to the guy who left without saying goodbye. You have ruined everything from the Bronx Tale to Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros for me but not any longer. I am sharing this unrequited love story for some other girl who was hurt by some other you. I am finally getting it out and letting what could have been go because if you really wanted me or what we were building, you would have stayed. Instead, you are with her (I’m assuming since I’m blocked) and I hope you’re happy because I am.

Everyday since then has been happier since the day before. When I do reminisce these days, I see not only the good memories but the way you isolated me and made me invisible. That is when I am reminded I am worthy of someone who thinks I am enough and was well worth the wait. I know that you couldn’t have been the one because my great love can’t be some boy who took a masterclass in the silent treatment.

Feeling Down? 25 Ways to Get Out of a Slump

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I write this as a girl also struggling to get out of the slump. We’ve all been there, you’re down and you don’t quite know why. Maybe one bad thing led you into the Dark Place of thinking about only the negative in your life and now that’s all you see. Either way I’m going to give you (and me)  25 ways to dig our ways out of the Dark Place and back into the light.

1. Embrace it but not for too long

It’s easiest to overcome a bad mood by accepting that it’s happening. The first step is admitting you have a problem right?

2. Remember that you’re the shit

Don’t let this bad attitude tell you that you’re not awesome and amazing and worthy. Keep reminding yourself whenever a negative thought shows up.

3. Remember this feeling is temporary

You can’t feel like this forever I promise you that. This too shall pass. When I’m stuck in the rut, I remind myself I’ve been here before and I’ll get back out.

 

4. Talk to a friend

Sometime you need to vent to someone about why you feel this way. Sometime you need to talk to someone to figure out why you feel this way. I usually go to my best friends who remind me that I’m awesome and it’s going to be okay. They also know how to cheer me up even when I don’t want to laugh.

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5. Watch junk food TV

You know the kind. Real housewives, Love and Hip hop, Jerry Springer, Cheaters, etc etc. I find it distracting to watch other people’s drama and forget about mine for an hour or two….or four.

6. Cry

Let it out! Go to your bedroom or if you’re at work, a bathroom and just cry. Sometimes holding it in and acting strong is more painful then just being vulnerable for 15 minutes. Don’t feel guilty for not being made of stone.

7. Take a nap

Have you ever felt so out of whack, grouchy, rude, and irritable with no real reason why? Sometime a nap is all you need. Nothing too long just an hour. Once you wake up, you’ll be able to readjust your intention and put your efforts into positive efforts.

8. Be grateful

Take the time to do the Gratitude Alphabet. Go through each letter of the alphabet and name something in your life that you’re grateful for. This exercise is also great when you’re having anxiety, it reminds you that you have so many amazing things in your life and not to take them for granted.

9. Take a walk

Getting connected to nature can really clear your mind and cheer you up.  It also gets you out of your bed which is truly needed when you’re in deep. Take 30 minutes and just walk around the block or buy a bagel or just sit on a bench! As long as you go outside, I’ll count it.

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10. Hang out with an animal

Animals are full of unconditional love. They are also always living in the now.  So take a dog on a walk (whether its yours or a friends). Pet a cat. Watch a fish swim around (which I personally find very soothing). Being around another living creature that won’t judge you can be the perfect remedy.

11. Journal

If you’re an overthinker like me then you might get a lot of benefits from journaling.  I personally love to journal and I can save the background of that for another post but for me it’s a safe place to put all my thoughts. All the good thoughts, the bad ones, the romantically cheesy and even the scary ones down. I find that once I take those thoughts that were bouncing around in my head and put them on paper, my brain and my soul are much calmer.

12. Masturbate

It’s hard to feel bad when you’re feeling good.

13. Listen to sad music

Sulk in it! Feel Adele’s heartbreak! Bask in Beyoncé’s anger! Amy and you can go back to black together. Listen to it so you know you’re not alone and even your favorite artists have been sad and hurt too.

14. Listen to happy music

This is where you put on the songs that make you feel like a badass! Is that Taylor for you? Migos? Smashmouth? There’s no shame here listen to whatever makes you happy and reminds you of better times.

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15. Do something you love

Break out the coloring books, the balls of yarn, and the paintbrushes. Go back to your childhood and think about something you loved doing and could get lost in for HOURS! Let’s do that. For me it would be either writing, coloring, and playing with my Skip-It. But this isn’t about me.

16. Fake it til you make it

If you want to feel good, sometimes you have to fake it. By faking it, I mean dressing the part. It’s hard to be your best self in your pajamas. Put on whatever makes you feel amazing. That dress, those boots, that makeup or that bright blue wig. Once you have it on, it’s hard to not think you ain’t the shit.

17. Pamper Yourself

Pull out your sheet masks and bubble bath. Go buy that eyeshadow palette you’ve been eyeing.  Go get that Mani-pedi and splurge and get Gel. Do whatever luxurious thing that makes you feel like a million bucks. Feel the self love by showing yourself love.

18. Meditate

Sometimes you can get into a better mood just by emptying your mind. The silence and the time to just reflect and push all your negative thoughts away can really change the game. Even ten minutes can be extremely beneficial.

19. Break a sweat

Hit the gym or the dance floor. Take a jog around the town or go to a cycling class. Like the great Elle Woods once said, “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people don’t kill their husbands. They just don’t,”. Now I’m not saying you’re about to go postal but you get the point. Exercising makes you happy.

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20. Read

Get transported into another world and forget about your worries for a bit.

21. Do a tarot card reading

Like Miss Cleo said, “The cards don’t lie”.  Sometimes the stars have the answers to your woes and can bring you back to earth. Here’s a site for you to try if you don’t want to go to get out of bed.

22. Say some affirmations

Remind yourself that what’s keeping you down are your limiting beliefs and say some sweet self talk. Check out my post on how affirmations help you.

23. Make a vision board

Remind yourself of all the amazing things you have planned for yourself by making a vision board. Seeing the future you have planned out will boost your mood and motivate you to get up and get going! You can’t achieve your dreams by moping around.

24. Watch funny videos

When I’m feeling really down and I know a good laugh will help, I go to YouTube and look up Vine complications. It’s amazing how much 6 second videos can make you laugh. I have a friend that watches stand up specials to get a good chuckle. Find something that always cracks you up and go to it in times like these.

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25. Remember The Universe loves you and has a plan

Life is hard and it can feel like nothing makes sense but remember there’s no other person like you on this rock that spins around in space on an axis.  Out of all the bags of meat with a soul in them, none of them are you and we need you to hang around and share your uniqueness with the world. If you feel like what you’re feeling may be more than just a slump, please consider getting professional help. The Universe is a better place with you in it.

Affirmations: The Power of Sweet Self Talk

“Self-suggestion makes you master of yourself.“

W. Clement Stone

 

You hear them everyday and all the time. That inner voice. It probably sounds like your voice so you believe everything it tells you good or bad. Sometimes, you take what it says hits too close to hom. It may tell you that no one likes you or you’ll never find love. Maybe you start to believe that voice and you stop hanging out with friends or trying to meet new people because the voice has told you you’re undeserving and undesirable. There is a way to stop this voice and it’s by choosing what words you want it to say to yourself.  Yes it is that simple and I will show you how through the power of affirmations.

What are affirmations?

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Affirmations are a positive thought or phrase you say, read or repeat that will lead you onto a path of positivity. An affirmation helps you change the tune of the voice in your head and remind yourself that you are worthy of happiness and positivity in whatever form of life you choose. There are affirmations for love, career, health and beauty.

Does it sound crazy? A little but hear me out. It works. Here’s an article for you skeptics. How you think and feel about yourself truly affects your life and your choices and your future. It’s cognitive behavioral therapy!

What you think you become. If you think no one likes you and you’re going to be alone forever, chances are you’re going to not go out and stop hanging with your friends and eventually push everyone away until that thought becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Instead, imagine if you thought of something good. Maybe you tell yourself I deserve love solely because I exist. You say it every time the voice says otherwise, every time you’re afraid to go and talk to a new person, every time someone special enters your life and the voice tries to place bets on how long they will hang around until they see the “real” you.

The more you say it, you’ll begin to believe it. The first couple times you utter the phrase it will feel silly and foreign but in due time it will become second nature and inspiring! Those words will cause you to take more risks and be more confident and have you meet new people! It will take time but after a while the voice won’t be sending you words of self doubt but instead self love. Here are some ways to begin your sweet self talk:

Audio

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There are plenty of videos on YouTube either from Louise Hay or  her fans that are filled with affirmations. All you have to do it press play and listen. It’s okay if you don’t quite pay attention, affirmations are also heard through your subconscious and will help change your negative thinking patterns.

Here’s a video that I have used:

 

You can also listen to podcasts. I’m a big fan of Hay House Meditations. I listen to Louise Hay – Release Your Fears meditation on the train or before bed and it’s very calming and filled with reassuring affirmations. I highly recommend for those with anxiety. Here’s also another link to her meditations on Soundcloud.

Write

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You can write down your affirmations so you see them everyday. Whether intentionally or subconsciously. Write kind words about your body on your mirror so every time you see yourself you are reminded of your beauty and not your flaws. Write a prosperity affirmation on a piece of pretty paper and put it in your wallet. Every time you open your wallet you’ll be reminded of your wealth and the abundance of money. Write a list of affirmations in your journal and say them daily and pay attention to the subtle changes that happen everyday.

Reflect

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Now when I say reflect I mean mirror work. This may be the most uncomfortable way to work on affirmations but that’s because people aren’t always comfortable looking at themselves in the mirror. We’re too concerned with flaws we see and not the beauty that we possess. Take the list you wrote in your journal and sit in front of a mirror and say each affirmation 5 times. Why 5? Because the first 3 will feel silly and by the fifth you’ll start to believe it. The more you say the affirmation the more power they gain. Looking into your own eyes connects you to the body and soul you’re working on releasing your true potential.

Here are some ways to help you beat the voice into submission. Thoughts can be changed and you can become anything you want! It all starts with how you talk to and treat yourself. So try some of these out and tell me what works for you? Good luck, have fun and remember you are always enough!

Forever Single? : What this Jan Brady learned from her Marcia Brady friends

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Has this situation ever happened to you? You and all your girlfriends go out for a night on the town. You’re dressed in your best whatever that may be and so are all your girls. After a fun pregame you call the Uber and head out. You get to the bar and see the BEAUTIFUL guy or girl (whoever you fancy) and they look over and you’re thinking to yourself, “Yes omigod omigod omigod be cool be cool”. They come over and just like something out of a 90’s teenage romantic comedy, they go over to your friend.

I guess everyone can relate to this situation but what happens when it keeps on happening and you’re starting to think you’re the invisible person? I started to call it being the Jan Brady of my friend group. If you haven’t seen the Brady Bunch (either the show or the movie), Jan is the middle sister and she’s a bit more of the quiet, shy, awkward side. Especially compared to her stunning and popular older sister Marcia. Marcia just seems to naturally draw people into her like a flame to a moth. My friends are the same way and I just can’t seem to figure out what the secret is? So instead of asking them, I just observed and here’s what I’ve noticed:

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Confidence is Key! (Obviously)

My Marcia Brady friends are almost always oozing this aura of confidence. They’re comfortable in their skin. They know what works for their body and what makes them feel like their best selves. I’ve taken a cue from them and stopped wearing what I think I was allowed to wear and what I wanted to wear. If I want to feel sexy, I’ll put on my thigh high boots and skinny jeans. If I want to be left alone, I will put on my combat boots and dark Lorde-esque lipstick. All that matters is that I feel like a badass.

They’re skilled in keeping a conversation.

The Marcias in my life know how to play the game. They can hold a great conversation. They know how to playfully touch a person where it’s not too aggressive or too friendly. They balance the line between sexpot and dead fish which is admirable. They know when to leave and leave the person wanting more. It’s fascinating to watch really. I’m still perfecting this but reminding yourself that you’re amazing and anyone would be honored to be in your presence truly helps my confidence when talking to attractive people.

They have no problem telling someone to back off!

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Thankfully, all of my friends have this trait. If a person any of us is not interested in comes up to us, we will politely dismiss them. Whether that be with standoffish body language or even a no thanks when asked to dance. If the person doesn’t get the hint, we will make it very clear and let them know to go take a hike. Not every person that walks into your life or wants your attention deserves it. Remember that and you’ll be saving yourself a lot of energy.

They never sweat it.

I personally used to do the exact opposite….okay sometimes I still do. When I get a number from someone I REALLY like I am over the moon. Then what follows right after is social anxiety about the rules of texting and calling. I’ve learned from my Marcias that it’s never that deep. If a person texts you then great and reply as soon as you want. If they don’t text back that’s their loss. Also it’s okay to double text but never do a triple. Also, if that person texts or calls back after weeks or months of radio silence, it’s probably because whoever they ignored you for has finally ignored them. So use that information as you will.

So this is what I’ve learned from my Marcias and I’m slowly learning to implement these skills into my own romantic conquests….when I have them. Hopefully, these will be helpful and empowering for you as well. We don’t have to be the Jans in the group. Every one of use deserves to be a Marcia dammit!

 

Please note: I do not own any of the Gifs/Photos used. I’m still learning how to add credits. If they are yours and you would want them remove or credited please contact me.

6 Signs Your Friend is Toxic and How to Leave

Have you ever had a friend say or do something that you thought was suspect but you thought, “Maybe I’m the one trippin'” or “Maybe they didn’t mean it that way”. Sometimes even our dearest and closest friends are having a bad day or are just upset and say something out of pocket but what happens when the slip ups keep happening and you’re beginning to wonder if this friendship is even friendly anymore? That is why you’ve come to this article after all right? To make sure you’re not the one trippin’ and your friend indeed is full of negativity and bad vibes and need to be removed? Well look no further, I’m going to tell you the signs I’ve learned from past toxicity.

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How to Write Affirmations in 7 Steps

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I wrote an article a few weeks ago on the power of sweet self talk aka affirmations.

Now I want to dig deeper into the topic and teach you how to write your own affirmations. Of course you can easily google affirmations and find a plethora of phrases but sometimes you want something more personal. The more meaningful the words are to you the more of an effect it will have on breaking down those limiting beliefs. So obviously the first step is:

     1.Write down a negative thought aka limiting belief.

Are your thoughts telling you things that aren’t true? Maybe that you’re not good enough? You’re not attractive? Not thin enough? Not deserving of the things you want? Never going to find love? Never going to be wealthy? Never going to be happy?

      2. Make an “I” statement

Write down your negative thought. For example, say your negative thought is, I will never find love. Take that sentence and try to turn it into a positive sentence.

     3. Write your new affirmation in the present

Let the universe know that you deserve this positivity right now! Not next week, not in a year, not when you think you as a person will be good enough. You are perfect, whole and complete. You deserve what you want at this very moment, all you have to do is tell the universe what you want. Once you place your order with the universe, it will shift and change in order to cater to you.

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      4. Don’t use words like want or need

When you use words like want and need, it is coming from a place of lack.  When referring to law of attraction, you get more of what you focus on. Therefore, when you think about lack you are attracting more lack into your life. Don’t feel guilt about there not being enough for someone else because you want. The universe is infinite and there’s more than enough for everyone, it’s just that not everyone asks. We are done bringing lack into our worlds! Let’s bring the love and wealth and success we deserve!

      5. No negative words

Do not I repeat DO NOT use any negative words when writing your affirmation. You gain certainty with positive words while negative words only lower your vibration and provide doubt.

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      6. Feel it!

When you begin to believe your words, you’ll start to get this good feeling.  Your vibration will begin to rise and the universe will give you proof that your thoughts are changing and your positive words are true. The universe loves to show you that you’re perfect, whole and complete and it can do that faster and easier when you feel great and you have confidence in your affirmations which in turn is confidence in yourself.

      7. Repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat……

Now that we have our affirmation, we need to keep saying it. Every time you say your phrase it is breaking down the negative thought and making room for your new positive one. In the beginning, try to say your affirmation 5 times in the morning and every time a negative thought you’re trying to break pops up in your mind. It also helps to look in the mirror when you do or place a hand on your throat to clearly feel the power of your words.

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By the end of this process, the negative thought, I will never find love should be turned into something like, I deserve love because I exist or I am loved by all. So grab a pen and some paper and let’s get started! You deserve EVERYTHING you want and the only person stopping you is you. Forgive yourself for not knowing this sooner and start making change right now!

Date Yourself: A Single Girl’s Revelation

 

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I can say with complete confidence that I am perpetually single. I haven’t had a serious prospect in over 5 years and that’s okay. But what do you do when you’re tired of hoping for a spark between that Tinder match or one of your friends to hit you up to hang out over the weekend? You take your own self out! If there’s one person that you’re going to have to get to know and like whether you like it or not it’s yourself.

Imagine there’s a new restaurant that just opened and you want to go with your friends but they’ve all decided to magically go silent on the group chat, what are you going to do? You may say lie in bed and watch Netflix passive aggressively waiting for a reply but I’m going to pretend you didn’t. I’m going to also pretend you said take yourself out and I’m going to say, “that’s right people go by yourself! What’s stopping you? The fear of you thinking people are judging you? The fear of social anxiety? The fear of looking like a loser?”

Those are all fair fears to have but let me debunk them for you:

• I’m by myself therefore others are going to judge me
  • I’ve got bad news and good news for you. It is none of your business what anyone thinks about you. So if someone wants to judge you for getting in some quality time with your favorite person, yourself then they are someone who’s opinion shouldn’t matter.

• Social Anxiety creeping it’s ugly head?
  • Anxiety is just your mind being a bully.  Anxiety has a habit of making things a MUCH bigger deal than they actually are. Trust me I know. So if someone looks over at you as you sit alone waiting for you amazing meal or whatever you plan to do; they could be judging you but I always like to think they secretly like my outfit or my hairstyle and are mentally complimenting me. It helps calm my nerves to think maybe they are just looking and not judging.

• I don’t want to feel like a loser
  • First of all, you’re not a loser and I want you to stop thinking like that. You’re an amazing person and you bless people with your presence which is all the more reason to LEAVE THE HOUSE! Bless this world with your own unique beauty!

 

Imagine all the fun things you can do by yourself! If you need some help here’s a list:

• Go to a museum Most have days of the week where admission is free. Ain’t no shame in being budget friendly
• Go be in nature Take a walk in the park, sit by the ocean, etc etc
• Go to the cafe and buy your favorite drink and just people watch
• Take an interesting class It’s also a great way to meet new people and maybe new love interests. Check out Meetup or CourseHorse for classes and groups in your area
• Movies A classic and it’s very laid back and easy for anyone who has some anxiety about going out alone. All you have to do is pick a movie and stick down and relax.
• Detour while on an errands run Do a mini splurge before or after you run errands. Get your groceries and that new shirt you’ve been eyeing. Treat yourself!
• Netflix and Chill Yourself Sometimes you’ve just got to veg out and put on the pjs and relax.

The more you get out into the world and learn about yourself and what makes you happy and gives you passion, the more likely you’ll end up connecting with amazing people and maybe even your next love but most importantly get to know yourself and let the rest just come naturally into your life.